Getting it wrong in France is just all too possible. From table etiquette to embarassing language snafus, there is a perfect way to do everything in the land of liberté, égalité, and fraternité. Here are some things you shouldn’t do or say when visiting this beautiful European nation – at least, if you want to impress your hosts on a casual vacation or, say, a state visit on Bastille Day. 
First things first, at the table you should:
Never order a steak well done. It’s like overcooked pasta for an Italian. Some things are sacred, and slightly bloody steak is one of them for the French. In fact, at Le Relais d’Entrecote, they ONLY serve steak (with fries and salad) and the only question is how would you like it done? You know what to say.
Photo: Relais de l’Entrecote by: Kat Von B (Travelinggreek) – Courtesy: Trip.comHelpful hint: Ketchup is also not an approved steak topping in France.
Then let’s talk about bread. Keep your bread OFF. YOUR. PLATE. It goes on the side. Please don’t ask us why. Also, do not ask for butter for your bread. French people don’t just slather that stuff on top of everything like Americans. And for heaven’s sake, don’t put butter on your croissant, which is itself basically a lump of butter with a thin pastry shell.
Always, always use a knife and fork. That goes for chicken wings too, you slob.
How about meeting people? It’s not like in the U.S. where you dive in for a big hug. You need to figure out…
Les bises (kisses) or handshakes?
A handshake can be rude if you’re supposed to kiss, which you may be if the person you’re meeting is a woman. So watch carefully – if she’s going in for les bises you should too but if she’s prepping a firm handshake have yours ready too. And if you’re kissing? It’s just simulated, and can start on the right OR the left, with two OR three kisses. Don’t panic if you mess up, just laugh it off à la française.
Totally embarassing language mistakes
Don’t order pussy at the butcher’s or the baker’s:
“Langue de Chat” = One of the nicest cuts of beef (which is unique to France) and also a thin biscuit – this phrase literally means ‘cat’s tongue’
But pronounce that ‘T’ a little too crisply and you will be asking for
Langue de Chatte = pussy
If you’re in Paris?
La Seine = the beautiful river running through the city
Le Sein = the breast
More: find a great deal on a Paris hotel.
Telling someone about your origin? Just one vowel can make a big difference…
“Quand j’étais né = when I was born
Quand j’étais nu = when I was naked
Of course, most of us were born naked…
Want to talk about the beautiful pine trees in the United States? They are NOT “les plus grandes pines du monde” (that’s something else beginning with a p). Instead, say ‘pins’.
Does all this have you feeling a bit…hungover? Make sure to describe your feeling as: “gueule de bois,” not “gaule de bois?” which means, ‘boner of wood’.
Bonus: Check out some international hangover cures here.
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